i hate that i love you

I hate that I love you so much. I can't stand that I can't be without you. You've grown to be so much of me and now I can't help but to need you every hour, minute, every second of every day. I'm sorry.

out of my system

Things are getting so much harder and things are so much different. I don`t know what to do anymore and I don't know how to stop you from hurting. Every time you cry it breaks my heart. But I cant handle this anymore. I need time to myself, time to think. Everything isn't working out for me right now and I'm scared enough as it is already and I know I'm going to lose you. I guess you would say I'm giving up on you, you just might be right. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess from here on out whatever happens, happens. Your to much of me and it's going to be hard to be without you, maybe my problem is I need you to much.

Not the same, uncertainty, losing and leaving it all.

I dont know how i`m supposed to feel right now nor do I know what to do. I dont know if I want to continue with this. I feel like i`m being tied down. My mind is telling me to let it go and I think my heart is telling me the same thing. I`m not who I used to be. Now i`m more indecisive, i`m not so happy, I am extremely confused about alot. I need to let everything go. It may hurt but I have to do what I have to do. I feel like i`m so over all this shit thats been going on. I`m losing myself. I`m losing her. I already lost my family. I`m losing my life. This is the first time I can say I honewstly don`t know what to do anymore. I`m reading to just give up everything.

there is a storm coming

I''m so in love but I can't help to think that it will end in disaster. The longer your with me the harder things are going to get. Things might get so unbearable at times that you just want to run and hide alone. I feel like I don't want you to choose between me and your family. It shouldn't be like that but unfortunately this is how things are. I feel that your family has way more importance to you than I do. Who's to say that I'll be alive tomorrow to love you? Who's to say that you'll love me to the end? With me there are so many questionable circumstances but with your family its forever. I don't think that its fair to you. Your family should love you for who you are and what you do not for whom you love. But for us its different. Its so hard hiding our relationship from people because it hurts to hide who you love. Love is Joy and Joy is life so if we hide our love is there no joy in life? As of right now there is internal joy but a reality of agony from hiding your true happiness. How happy can one person be without the acceptance of their family or loved ones? I know I love you with all my heart and I know that I can love you until the end of my forever but I don't know how long your forever is. I feel as if your pushing away from me. I feel deep down in my heart that your going to run from me when times get to be to much. you say you don't want to lose me but your not willing to do or to deal with absolutely everything to be with me like i am with you. Your relationship with your parents, family, friends mean the world to you how can you really give that up for me? I feel like my love for you will never go away but I know I'll have to push it to the side to play that best friend role instead of as your lover the role I'd rather play. I don't know if I could just actually be just your friend, after loving you this badly I honestly don't believe that I can settle for a friendship. I couldn't ever see you with someone else it would crumble my soul and shatter my heart. I love you so much. I don't know if I should be with you anymore. I know you wont make the decision to leave me but i know you don't want to lose your family so I think I might make the decision for you. I love you enough to let you go. I'm sorry.