She Convinced me..

I spoke with a cousin of mine who is a sergeant in the Air Force and she convinced me that the Air force is much better for me. The Air Force is bigger on education. To enlist in the Air force you have to contain intelligence. This branch of the military is the most challenging when it comes to the educational part. And i'm ready to follow my dream.

SERIOUS ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!

RAGE

noun.
1. angry fury; violent anger.
2. a fit of violent anger.
3. fury or violence of wind, waves, fire, disease, etc.
4. violence of feeling, desire, or appetite: the rage of thirst.
5. a violent desire or passion.
6. ardor; fervor; enthusiasm: poetic rage.
7. the object of widespread enthusiasm, as for being popular or fashionable: Raccoon coats were the rage on campus.
8.Archaic. insanity.
–verb (used without object)
9.to act or speak with fury; show or feel violent anger; fulminate.
10.to move, rush, dash, or surge furiously.
11. to proceed, continue, or prevail with great violence: The battle raged ten days.
12. (of feelings, opinions, etc.) to hold sway with unabated violence.—Idiom
13. all the rage, widely popular or in style.

Sleepless Nights..

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

Last night I didn't go to sleep. I was up all night thinking about everything and everyone. Especially my wife and my best friend. Those two are very most important people to me in my life. They both have been there for me in the worst of times and they found a way to push through with me every time. I've lost friends because they weren't really who they said they were. But both Miriam Marina and Christina Lea were a MILLION times more than what they said they were going to be.. In a matter of time they grew to be apart of me. Without them there is no me. They may not understand that this is the time that I need them the most. I am the most sensible person in the world and I 100% understand how they feel and how they feel is very very extremely important to me. Things will only get harder from here. Can you stand the rain? I need you to, I really really need you to be able to handle this with me. I cant have the two of them giving up on me. And I`m sure they wont because they are amazing people and they have AAALLLWWAAYYYSSS been there for me.

There will be many tears shed before I leave and after. But just know your both in my heart along with the rest but your name is written in a special place. I`ll be away from the one that my soul calls for every second of every minute of every hour of every day and of every month. Thats going to be the hardest thing. Forget boot camp, A.I.T., combat. Forget all of that, being away from her will be the hardest...

Some people arent understanding why I say this is selfish. I call this dream of mine selfish because I`m taking myself away from the people who love me and thats not fair to them. It`s not fair to my wife that she wont be able to kiss my lips, hold my hand, or even have me make love to her when she wants to. My best friends wont be able to have me to talk to when something is wrong. They`re going to have to fend for themselves for as long as I am gone and that might be incredibly hard for some.

In 5 months it`ll be January. January 2Oth is when I turn 18. And I`m off to boot camp.

[(As the sun Rises it will be a NEW day.)]

Since i`m only 17 I need my grandparents concent and I hope they dont take this dream away from me, i`ll be so heart broken.

I LOVE YOU MIRIAM MARINA &+ CHRISTINA LEA !!!!!

Army Strong..

Today is July 25, 2009. currently: 2.37 aM

Yesterday was the day I made up my mind completely. I decided that I am going to the Army. Today I researched just about everything about the Army and I became more and more excited to go. I've heard everyone`s opinions. I have some supporters and some not so much. I feel this is something that I'm really going to just do for myself. This is a VERY selfish decision but not really at the same time. For most people it is hard to fathem why I would make such a choice. Why would I put my life on the line nearly 99.9% of the time by going to the army? I choose to do this because its something a MILLION times bigger than myself. A dream to put honor behind my last name. Maybe even to be a inspirations to those around me.. Maybe I can actually make my grandparents proud of me for once, well hopefully they are. Its hard to make them proud because of them hating me so much... The careers I chose are Psychology Operations Specialist, Mental Health Specialist, Air and Missile Defense. There are over a 150 jobs and careers to choose from, which ones right for me? we`ll see.

Although this is my dream it is the hardest dream that I ever had to follow. I have to leave behind my family, friends, and the love of my life. I have to leave them here pondering on the fact of whether or not I am alright. If there is a time when goodbye is forever my grandparents will get a knock on the door letting them know that my duty has ended and God called me home. But I`m praying to God I`m able to come back home the way I left but only as a better person and have her run into my arms. I know it`s hard for people to deal with the fact that I might die in the Army but just know I would be dying happy. But my courage gives me the strength to want to live so I PROMISE I WILL FIGHT FOR MY LIFE as well as for this country. This job is what is going to mold into what I need to be. A strong disciplined woman with the capability to do anything and everything. My heart is calling for this job and its been doing it since i was 12 years old.

Your scared? As of right now I`m not scared but definitely more so excited. I`m sure when the time comes for me to say "See you Later" at this point goodbye is no longer in my vocabulary because Goodbye is fffooorrreevvverr. I have never been so sure about something in my life. With this decision comes a plethora of other opportunities. Being in the Army will make me a stronger person than I already am. I need the discipline sooo badly.

I am beyond ecstatic, beyond happy, and beyond excited. This decision has my soul smiling...!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

....to be continued...

my past is becoming my present...

i dont know why i feel the way i do.. with everything thats been going on i have people around me that need my attention every second and they have demands that apparently i have to meet.. im back at the point where i was even a year ago.. i have a feeling of such disgust with everyone and everything... and now im starting to resent a lot of people that are surrounding me. Im trying my best to love and cherish everybody because apparently its my job.. i only know how to fix things on my own and now im at a point where i dont know what to do. and you and everyone else expect me not to have an attitude or not to be upset.. everyone says its ok but doesnt let me have my space to deal with things the best way i know how... im not myself and im not sure what to tell you.. i cant even find the words to describe how i feel... anger isnt a strong enough words, sadness isnt a good enough term, hurt isnt good enough either.... even after everything that happened some way im still alone.. at this point and time be alone is what i have to do.. i need not to be tied down and fixed with other people but in my own strength that im trying to fester up i will do it on my own... ** your so anxeious to hear that i wad going to brake up with you... still wondering?...

at a point i just want all of this to be over... this is another time just like when i was thirteen years old. what happened wasnt a mistake.. that just might happened again im sure no one would mind... i wont be doing much loving these days..

NOT WHAT A REAL BEST FRIEND WOULD DO!!!!

today was a crazy day... to be a good friend means to actually be there for a friend in need.. today i experienced something that taught me alot... there are many ppl on this earth that are super self-centered and care about nothing but thereselves.... today one of my friends was left to fend for herself.. well not necessarily because she had me.. what i mean when i say that is her own best friend wasnt there for her... she was without her best friend crying in hysterics in my arms... she came to me sobing and i was there with open arms as always.. my whole life my grandparents have been calling a demon.. but im the one always there for ppl.. even ppl that i dont know.. if someone needs a helping hand i'll so my best to help them out.. and i especially will be there for my best friend... this friend of mine has been friends with her best friend since they were in 7th grade and now there both 9teen.. and her best friend happens to be my cousin... and there have been countless times when i told my friend not to be bothered with my cousin because shes self centered.... today my friend got kicked out of her house and her parents called the cops on her as well as her dad stepping back and punching her in the face and all this for not much of a reason at all.. her parents went as far as kicking her brother and his friend out also today.... and my cousin has yet to be there for my friend... i couldnt have a best friend like that....

strength

"To be strong means to have the ability to adapt to the difficulties or changes of any circumstances"

strength

" To be strong means to have the ability to adapt to the difficulties or the changes of circumstances."